


Happiness is a Warm Gun

by dancinbutterfly, FiliTheLionKing (IAmYourWatson)



Series: Swagbag [2]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Genre: Gen, Inanimate Objects, M/M, sentient weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24750232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancinbutterfly/pseuds/dancinbutterfly, https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmYourWatson/pseuds/FiliTheLionKing
Summary: Only things that can kill, can speak.
Relationships: Goodnight Robicheaux/Billy Rocks
Series: Swagbag [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767001
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28
Collections: Mag7 Summer Swagbag Challenge





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> for the swagbag_challenge prompt "inanimate objects" except for that these are a bit more animated

Goodnight’s first gun is a quiet rifle that used to belong to his uncle. It says hello and it declares its readiness to fire and sometimes it cries, usually when it’s tucked away on a shelf and it thinks Goody can’t hear. It was loyal and shot straight but he got a new gun as soon as he had his own money to.


	2. Chapter 2

Vasquez's guns speak exclusively in Spanish all the time. They shit talk people and occasionally flirt with the other guns. The first and only time they've ever spoken English is after Faraday asks Vasquez why he killed that Texas Ranger. Before Vasquez can answer, they say just one phrase, in unison:

_"He had it coming."_


	3. Chapter 3

Billy's favorite knife actually spoke to Goody first. "Buy me," she called from the beneath the glass of the fancy shop in San Francisco. "I will love your warrior as much as much as you do and I will keep all of your secrets." Of course, he pays cash and doesn't bother with any gift wrapping. She's too beautiful to be hidden and he can't wait for her to meet Billy. Billy falls for her hard and fast and she does love him as much as Goody does. She flies fast and true and the blood never sticks on her blade and she never, ever speaks to anyone but them.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam's first gun had a thick New England accent. Makes sense. He was issued it when he joined the Union Army. Not a particularly friendly piece but it shot straight and true and it never jammed on him. He never held on to Confederate weapons the way some of the other Union boys did because even when their wielders died, they werent happy to be in his hands. 

His current pistol was his mother's, useful for all sorts of things on the Kansas homestead but not enough to stand against Bogue's personal army when it came, and it speaks to him with the same soothing tones. When he levels it at a target, he is sure he can hear her voice echo through the barrel. 

He is, of course, lying when he offers to let anyone else hold his gun. He stopped being an honest man long ago.


	5. Chapter 5

Billy tells Goody about his first weapon after they make love the first time, whispers even though they are the only human ears in fifty miles about the rock he clutched in his shaking fist and slammed down over and over on the skull of the sleeping foreman of the railroad where he'd been starved and brutalized. 

"We can do it," the rock had told him, when he tripped over it during the monotonous work of hauling rubble away from an excavation demolition. It was a rock no different from any of the other stone the mountain vomited up but this one called to him as only weapons of death could, it's voice ragged and ancient, promising him success. "We can do it and you can be free." The rock had told the truth, and Billy had been free. 

In exchange, he had waited until he reached a stream to relinquish his first weapon, setting it in the running water where the blood would be washed clean and it's jagged edges would one day be rubbed smooth. Upon hearing of his foolishness, Goody had called the act a "beautiful sentiment" and Billy had realized then that he was going to be ruined by this man and couldn't find it in him to care.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack Horne has seen many things, and his weapons have seen just as much, or nearly. They were plain-spoken things, Jack and his instruments of death. Intelligence does not always mean verboseness, but when the time called for it, Jack found eloquence in the good book. Bible verses to comfort, to threaten, to encourage, to warn. He knew them all, or nearly. His axe had a mind for wrath. His gun, a mind for numbers. Together, they could pull up quotes that even Jack forgot. 

Sometimes sin could be justified, if it was in the name of the Lord, doing his work. His axe and gun always knew what to say to bring him peace of mind. They were all he had left, after all, and he was their charge. 

"1 John 4:19" Came breezing down the barrel, quiet as the man who wielded it. 

"We love because he first loved us." Says the axe, and that's all that ever needed to be said.


	7. Chapter 7

Faraday listened to his mama's sewing shears talk when he was little not knowing what it meant that the scissors she made his clothes and quilts with told him how tall and handsome he was, that he was growing up so big and strong, that he was a fine young man. It isn't until he's eleven and his uncle finally teaches him to shoot and the gun says "this little fairy aint got no use for a thing like me" that he learns that only things that are meant to kill can speak. He asks his mama about the talking shears and she tells him to ask his uncle to show him some card tricks. 

Every time he asks, she sends him to his uncle to learn card tricks. 

He never gets an answer about the sheers. He gets very good at slight of hand. 

And he realizes, eventually, when he's old enough to have a gun of his own who is a little too observant and no better at keeping it's mouth shut than he is, that he, his mother and his uncle, her older brother, all have the same last name and that he has never met his father.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a long time since Vasquez had a first name. His Mamá called him "Pequeño", his Papá called him "Siete". His abuelita called him "Mijo" and his friends called him "Lobo" or "Calaca". The latter was after his growth spurt hit, and Vasquez had spent his teen years skinny and gangly, especially during the droughts. The former was from his wolfish looks, and that one stuck around after he gained some muscle. The priest just shook his head at Vasquez, not calling him by any name at all. 

(The lady they called a bruja down the street called him "Primo", but Mamá had never spoken about her before, so how could she be his cousin? He never found out. They drove her out when he was seven, off into the desert after there was a fire at the church. He heard the rakes and the sickles chattering for years afterwards.)

When they made a wanted poster for him, it gave no name besides "Vasquez". He preferred it that way. 

His guns called him Vasquez, just like everyone else. When he first met his Marias, they called him "Guapo" or "Flaco", depending on how well he had eaten that day. They cared for him in their own way, chattering chismosas that they were, always giving him advice and talking shit in the language of his homeland. It was a comfort when he was all alone, just his horse and him and his guns. He didn't need people, just his Marias. 

But sometimes, when the night was quiet, and the moon was dark, his Marias called him "Alejandro".


End file.
